Worried about a parent's drinking?

It can be tough when you’re worried about someone else’s drinking. But when it’s a parent, it can make it even more difficult to deal with. Recognising when there’s a problem means you can be on hand to offer support – but more importantly, take care of your own needs.

When someone drinks heavily regularly or drinks to get drunk it can be seriously harmful to their health and others around them. It can also be worrying or upsetting to see someone you love drink in this way.

Is their drinking harmful?

Many people don't know if they are drinking at a harmful level. If you choose to drink, to keep health risks from alcohol low, it is safest for men and women to drink no more than 14 units a week, spread over three or more days with several drink-free days. It is also important to avoid binge drinking, which carries additional health risks.

If a parent is drinking more than 14 units a week on a regular basis, their risk of developing longer-term health issues increases. Alcohol consumption is linked to several serious health conditions including heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, liver disease, poor mental health, and seven types of cancer. Regular drinking over time can also build up a tolerance to alcohol. A tolerance to alcohol means you feel you have to drink more to get the same effect; and it can be an early sign of alcohol dependence.

Spot the signs

Many people who become alcohol dependent don’t admit to how much they drink. But there are some signs to help you understand if their drinking may have become a problem, including:

• Drinking more regularly or in larger amounts. They might appear drunk more often, too
• Recurrent mood swings and seeming agitated or irritable if they don’t have a drink
• Being secretive or dishonest about how much alcohol they’re buying or drinking
• Not being able to say no to alcohol or to stop at one or two drinks
• Worrying about where their next drink is coming from and planning social, family and work events around alcohol
• Asking you to buy or obtain alcohol for them
• Asking you to cover up or hide their drinking from the other parent or partner
• They may be willing to take serious risks, for example choosing to drink and drive or operate machinery
• Coming in and out of the house at weird times, or frequently disappearing to drink or buy more alcohol
• Isolating from friends and family members or frequently arguing with them
• Showing signs of anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues
• Showing aggressive or violent behaviour towards loved ones, that may include children

What you can do to help and stay safe

If you are concerned about a parent’s drinking, you should only approach the issue if it is a completely safe environment for you to do so. If for any reason there may be a risk in you doing so, because your parent is drinking heavily or their behaviour can be aggressive or unpredictable, do not approach them about their drinking and seek help from an adult you trust instead. This adult could be another parent, a close relative, teacher, or tutor. You can also seek advice from any of the support services listed below.

Only if you feel confident that it is safe to do so, you might decide to try beginning a conversation with your parent about their drinking, but only if they are not drinking. Pick a happy time when things are calm and try not to judge or be confrontational. You could start by saying you’ve noticed how much happier the atmosphere at home is and suggest that this is how it is when they are not drinking. It might just be enough of a trigger to make them start thinking about stopping their drinking.

If your parent seems ready to make a change, you might want to encourage them to complete the Drinkaware Drinking Check self-assessment tool. This can help to see if their drinking is putting their health at serious risk. It can also identify if they might be at high risk of alcohol dependence and only takes a few minutes to complete.

It’s important to understand that a parent’s drinking is never your fault, or your responsibility. For someone to stop or reduce their drinking, they first need to acknowledge that there’s a problem and want to stop themselves. It is not your role to help them with their drinking, but it can help to know what support is out there.

There are several free tools and resources that can help them cut down and manage their drinking. They can also seek help from any of these alcohol support services.

Above all, it’s important that you put your safety first, and talking to a trusted adult first about any concerns you have is always the safest option.

How a parent’s drinking may affect you

Having a parent who drinks heavily and regularly can impact you in different ways. As a young person, you may well feel scared, worried, or confused about what’s going on at home. In fact, it’s thought that one in five young people in the UK lives with a parent whose drinking is at a hazardous or even higher level.¹ It’s normal to feel angry, embarrassed, or upset about their drinking. These feelings can exist as an adult too. The important thing is to know that you’re not alone, and that there are people and organisations who can help.

Get help if you are at risk

If you feel you may be at risk of any type of harm, including domestic or sexual violence because of a parent’s drinking you should dial 999 and seek immediate help.In addition, you can seek urgent advice from any of the organisations listed at the end of this page.

A parent’s drinking can negatively impact your mental health and everyday activities. You may feel some anxiety and stress, blame yourself or feel unable to cope. Remember, it’s important to prioritise your own safety and mental health.

Even if you are an adult concerned about a parent’s drinking, it can still help to talk to someone – whether that’s a friend, relative or confidential support line.

Support for families, adults, and young people

It’s important to know that you are not alone and that there is help available for you and the parent in question. The following services specialise in guidance for families, adults and young people affected by a parent’s drinking.

Adfam

Adfam offer support for families affected by drug or alcohol problems

Al-Anon Family Groups

Al-Anon provide support to anyone affected by someone else’s drinking. You can contact the helpline on 0800 0086 811 or email helpline@al-anonuk.org.uk

Bottled Up

Bottled Up offer help and support to individuals and families who are experiencing problems due to problem drinking

The Children’s Society

The Children’s Society can offer advice and resources for young people living with an alcohol dependent adult. You can contact the helpline on 0300 303 7000

Childline

Childline provide all types of support for young people in crisis. You can contact the helpline on 0800 1111.

Family Lives

Family Lives provide guidance on any issues affecting the family and offer a signposting service. You can contact the helpline on 0808 800 2222 

National Association of Children of Alcoholics (NACOA)

NACOA provide help and support for everyone affected by a parent’s drinking. You can contact the helpline on 0800 358 3456 or email helpline@nacoa.org.uk

NCPCC

NCPCC provide support for young people regarding any form of abuse. You can contact the helpline on 0808 800 5000 or email help@nspcc.org.uk

Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol and Drugs (SFAD)

SFAD provide support to anyone concerned about someone else’s alcohol or drug use in Scotland. You can contact the helpline on 08080 101011.