Dan’s story 

When his son was born, Dan was struggling with post-natal depression and used alcohol as a way to escape how he was feeling. Watch his video below where he shares how being honest and confronting his problems helped him have a better relationship with alcohol, and his son.

Content warning: the following story discusses experiences of suicide and suicidal feelings.

How Dan changed his relationship with alcohol 

Dan was excited to be a dad and initially held a somewhat traditional view that the role of a dad was to protect. So, when his son was born and rushed to intensive care because he couldn’t breathe, Dan, as a protector, felt like he had failed.

"I had one job to protect my son, and within an hour, I’d failed on that."

At the time, Dan didn’t understand why he was feeling the way he did and didn’t realise his mental health was suffering. His changing relationship with alcohol became a way to escape these feelings. He began to drink more frequently, which ultimately led him to a place where he didn’t know where to turn and felt hesitant to ask for help.

"I thought if I asked for help, then that's a sign of weakness. ‘What are people going to think about me? Who on earth struggles being a dad?"

But after realising he needed some extra support, it was going through the door of an Andy’s Man Club meeting that changed things for Dan.

Dan explains that while walking through the door was hard, it helped him realise how many other men like him were struggling. Listening to others talk about their issues allowed him to relate and feel less isolated. He remembered one man sharing how he had had an amazing weekend with his kids, even though he used to struggle being a dad. For Dan, this was the first time he heard a man openly admit to struggling in the same way.

"I'd recommended Andy’s Man Club to a lad who worked for me because I’d heard amazing stories about it, but I never actually thought it was for me."

Although opening up and confronting his feelings was a turning point for Dan, he admits he relied on alcohol to escape for far too long. He is now very conscious of his drinking habits and avoids situations where drinking too much might risk how he feels. He understands that drinking excessively could negatively affect his mental health.

Dan feels he now has a much better relationship with alcohol, but it’s something he has had to work on to understand when to drink, when not to drink, and how to recognise his triggers. He also believes he’s become a better father as a result of facing his struggles and has built a stronger relationship with his son. 

"I still love a drink, I still love to go out, but my relationship with alcohol has had to change."

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