Making sure you look after yourself, won’t just help your own wellbeing but can allow you to support your loved one more effectively too. Here are some tips on how you can look after yourself, while supporting someone else.
If you’re worried about someone else’s drinking, you’re not alone. Nearly three in ten UK adults (28%) are concerned about someone else's drinking.1
A partner, close friend, or relative’s drinking is most likely to have a negative impact on you when they regularly drink to excess – either through regular binge drinking or because they might be alcohol dependent.
While you can support someone through their journey, they need to be ready to change. It might not be as straightforward as talking about your concerns and the person then immediately changing their behaviours. Be patient, and if they aren’t ready, take steps to look after yourself in the meantime.
If the person you’re worried about has a 'tipping point' – when their behaviour changes to become nasty, argumentative, aggressive, or overly emotional – see if you’re able to spot the signs in advance. The person may not even be aware of this ‘tipping point’ themselves, but if you can spot it, removing yourself from the situation can help stop things from escalating, and help you to look after your own safety.
As well as feeling worried, you might feel angry, embarrassed, or upset about your loved one’s drinking. It’s a completely natural way to feel – but talking to someone else about what you’re going through can help. You might feel comfortable talking to a trusted friend, or if you want to talk confidentially, you can find more information about support services like Drinkchat or Drinkline below.
And you might find it helpful to tap into resources where other people in similar situations share what they’re going through – there is a wealth of online peer support available, ranging from social media, to podcasts, to support groups.
When it comes to the person who you want to support, studies show that the more you listen, the more likely they are to feel comfortable opening up. Listening reflectively and using open questions can help maintain rapport, empathy, and support them in their journey.2
It can be easy to overlook your own needs when you’re worried about someone else. At its most basic level, self-care can be as simple as making ‘me time’ for the things you enjoy.
Engaging in mindfulness activities such as meditation, breathing exercises or yoga can also help to manage stress and stay present in the moment. It can be as simple as noticing your surroundings while you walk.3
Cutting down the amount that you drink yourself can have a positive effect on the way you feel too. We have advice on how you can cut down yourself, or reduce your drinking together with a partner. Find more advice below.
If someone close to you is struggling with their drinking, you will probably find you spend a huge amount of time and energy (and perhaps even money) worrying about them. But to protect yourself, you need to set boundaries.
When it comes to offering help, there might be practical things you can do, like arranging drink-free activities, or going with them to any medical appointments. By deciding what you’re comfortable with in advance and sticking to it, they will be able to rely on your support in a way that works for you.
Help is available – for you and your loved one. It can be beneficial to talk to someone you trust, who is unaffected by the situation, or you might prefer to seek advice from a confidential support line.
Drinkchat and Drinkline have advisors who are trained to offer advice to friends and family of people who are struggling with alcohol, as well as the person drinking.
Cutting down the amount that you drink yourself can have a positive effect on the way you feel too. The Drinking Check self-assessment can help you identify if the amount you drink could be putting your health at risk.
Here are some other advice and information pages linked to how to look after yourself when supporting a loved one.
