Talking to your child about alcohol

Honest and open conversations about alcohol can help keep your children safe. Here’s some advice on how to start a conversation with them.

Knowing when and how to talk to your children about alcohol isn’t always easy. But being able to have open, honest conversations about alcohol can help to keep them healthy, happy, and safe.

Drinking alcohol before the age of 18 is linked to a wide range of health and social problems which is why it is recommended that an alcohol-free childhood is the healthiest and best option.¹ But what’s the best way to talk about it? And what questions can you expect?

Why talk to your child about alcohol?

There’s no getting away from the fact that your children will see alcohol in the world around them. Even if you don’t drink yourself, they can see alcohol in shops, social media, or on TV. In fact, research shows 10-15 year olds are now more exposed to TV advertising for alcohol than their parents.²

It is important for parents and carers to talk to a young person about alcohol and set realistic guidelines and rules for them, so they can protect them from alcohol-related harms.³

Talking openly with your children about drinking and answering their questions can be beneficial, no matter how old they are. Of course, you need to tailor what you say to their age and be guided by what they already know.

Drinking alcohol underage has real risks. It’s linked to alcohol poisoning,^4,5 can affect success at school,⁶ lead to poor mental health, and encourage other risky behaviour like smoking and drug taking too.⁷ Parental support can play a vital role in helping to prevent children experiencing these negative outcomes.

Between 2021/22 and 2023/24, there were 8,043 under 18s admitted to hospital due to an alcohol-related condition.⁸

If you don’t talk to them about alcohol yourself, someone else will – and that might mean inaccurate information from their friends or somewhere online that does more harm than good. And although some schools do cover the subject of alcohol, it’s not compulsory, so it’s a good idea to talk about it at home.

Talking to your children about alcohol isn’t about ‘having the talk’ because it’s not a one-off lecture. Ultimately – even though it might not always feel like it – your children value what you think and feel, and will listen to what you say.

Understanding why some young people drink

If your child has started drinking alcohol, or showing interest in it, understanding their motivations is a good first step towards helping them understand why an alcohol-free childhood is the best option.

Experimenting with alcohol becomes more common as children get older. For example in England in 2023, 15% of 11 year olds said they had tried alcohol compared to 62% of 15 year olds.⁹

Risky behaviour is more common during puberty. The development of the rational ‘thinking brain’ is not fully completed until 16 or 17 years old, with more ‘fine tuning’ right into the early 20s.^10,11

It’s vitally important to understand that drinking alcohol affects children’s health differently to adults. That’s why – as well as advising that an alcohol-free childhood is the safest and best option – guidance also says that if any teenagers do drink alcohol, it shouldn’t be at least until the age of 15, in a supervised environment, and no more than once a week.¹²

Your children might be drawn to alcohol, even if their first experience of it is unpleasant. It’s not uncommon for them to persist despite not liking the taste or the way it makes them feel. If they know you’re a good person to talk to about it, they’re more likely to let you know what part (if any) alcohol plays in their life and listen to advice about healthy choices.

Common reasons that young people (11 to 15 year olds) give for why they think people their age drink alcohol include:¹³

To look cool in front of their friends (74%)
Their friends pressure them into it (62%)
To be more sociable with friends (61%)
It gives them a rush or a buzz (60%)
It helps them forget their problems (53%)
Other people they live with drink (52%)

There could be several reasons why some young people drink

Teenagers want to fit in with friends, or copy older siblings

Although pushing boundaries and testing rules are often part of growing up, young people can feel safer if they have clear rules, with consequences for breaking them. If an older sibling is the source of envy, ask them to set a good example – wanting to be admired could reinforce their own good behaviour too.

Adolescents want to test your boundaries, and prove they're 'grown up'

Younger children will ask questions and ultimately are more likely to accept being told “you’re too young”. But for older children, acknowledging and respecting their growing maturity means they’re more likely to listen if you’re able to explain why avoiding alcohol is so important for their health.

Your children are copying your behaviour

If you get home and say “Oh, I could do with a drink!”, you may be setting the example that alcohol is somehow an essential part of life. In fact, young people who live with someone who drinks are more likely to drink alcohol themselves.¹⁴

They might have problems – with themselves, school or friends

Drinking regularly, often looking hungover, drinking alone or during the daytime could be signs that a young person is ‘drinking to cope’. More than 50% of 11 to 15 year old pupils said they drink to forget about their problems.¹⁵

Ideas for talking to your child about alcohol

As a parent or guardian, it’s important to pick your moment – some teenagers might not want to talk at first. However, it’s important for them to understand the risks of underage drinking. They might not listen or believe you unless you are honest about your own experiences and the reasons why adults drink. Here are some ideas on how to approach the conversation.

Get the tone right

Make it a conversation rather than a lecture and listen as much as you talk. If you can avoid coming across as judgmental, critical, or disapproving, your child is more likely to pay attention and open up too.

Get the timing right

Avoid starting a discussion just as they’re going out the door to meet friends, before bed, or in the middle of an argument about other things. Approaching it as part of an ongoing discussion will have a greater impact on your child’s choices about drinking.

Choose conversational triggers

If they haven’t brought up the subject, you could find a ‘hook’. This could be a recent film or TV storyline, a celebrity news story involving drinking, or even stories about family or friends. Simply ask “What do you think?” and follow on from what they say.

Be honest

If you're not honest, they might not believe what you tell them. But if their questions get uncomfortable, say so.

What if they’ve come home drunk?

First, make sure they’re safe and don’t show signs of alcohol poisoning. It’s best to discuss it the next day. Ask them what happened, listen, and tell them what you're feeling – whether you’re upset, worried, or disappointed. Go over previous discussions you’ve had about the dangers and remember to stick to any rules and consequences you’ve agreed.