Reduce the amount you and your partner drink

How many times have you filled your partner’s wine glass without asking? Or maybe they regularly have a large glass of red or a beer waiting for you when you get home from work?

These might be meant as nice gestures, but you could be encouraging each other to drink more than you would really like.

When you live with your partner it’s easy to adopt each other’s habits, without even realising.

Drinking habits

Health psychologist Martin Hagger says it’s important to look for the ‘triggers’ that bring on your habits: “The obvious one for drinking is having a hard day at work. Many people associate alcohol with pleasure and relaxation.”

However, he suggests that the triggers for your drinking can be as simple as the time and the place. “You get home from work and it’s 6.30pm – it’s time to relax and eat, and that’s when your thoughts might turn to that first drink .”

As your behaviours become shared habits, such as splitting a bottle of wine in front of your favourite TV programme, they become harder to change. “You reinforce each others behaviour,” says Hagger. “One of you might say that you don’t feel like wine that evening, but if the other persuades you with a gentle ‘go on’, your resistance can easily cave in.”

So if it’s that easy for your partner to contribute to your habits, surely they’re the perfect person to help you change them....?

Cut down on drinking: how to help each other

“If you’re going to cut down on your drinking, it’s important that both partners really buy into the change,” says Hagger. “There’s less likely to be friction or resistance if you decide to do this together.”

Have a plan

We all know that what we intend to do and what we actually end up doing can be very different. But, psychologists suggest all you need is a plan. “One of the reasons we automatically say yes to another drink, even though we’d intended to stop for the evening, is  we don’t have a concrete plan or an alternative course of action,” says Hagger.

With your partner, look at the situations you might be tempted to drink more than the government's daily unit guidelines. Talk about how you can avoid those situations, and what you can do instead.

For example, maybe you always seem to get through a bottle of wine when you have your weekly takeaway? If you know you’re going to order one that evening, you can decide together in advance to avoid the off licence on the way home from work.

Do something different

If you’ve formed habits that involve drinking, you’ll need some alternative things to do to help you cut down. “Introduce something else you can do together at the time you both tend to start drinking” suggests Hagger. If that time happens to be when you both settle in front of the TV for the evening, why not try extending your meal time with a healthy dessert or a hot drink, or getting into the habit of heading out to do something together after dinner, even if it’s just a walk.

Making changes to your routine can be a great way to discover new, shared interests.

Encourage each other

If one of you is starting to lapse, that’s when the other’s support is more important than ever. The language you use to discuss the changes to your drinking can make a big difference – encourage your partner to stick to their goals, rather than demanding they do so.  “Instead of ‘you must do this’ or ‘you need to do that’, try highlighting the advantages of drinking less,” says Hagger “Point out what you’re both gaining by making changes.”

Treat each other

Bring a bit of romance back to your relationship. Instead of drinking every time you eat together, save the wine for a special candlelit dinner. And when you do drink, don’t feel you have to finish the bottle. We’ve got some very original tips on things you can do with the last bit of wine instead of just drinking it for the sake of it.

Take it in turns to bring home a treat instead of a bottle of wine – some nice chocolate, or ingredients for that special dinner you can cook together.

Cut down on alcohol together: feel the benefits

“Working together towards a goal, and supporting your partner to achieve something, in itself is something really positive,” says Hagger.

Make an effort to notice how you feel. Maybe you’re fresher in the morning? Or generally healthier and more energetic? Tell each other about the positive changes you’re seeing. This will help you stick to your goals.

Happier and healthier

Alcohol is a depressant. “It might make you feel happy at first,” says Dr Nick Sheron, Head of Clinical Hepatology at Southampton General Hospital. “But the overall effect of alcohol is to suppress all the hormones that make you feel happy.”

Cutting down on alcohol can improve the quality of your sleep. Feeling fresh in the morning and less tired of an evening can help keep petty arguments at bay.

Alcohol contains lots of calories – seven calories a gram in fact, almost as many as pure fat! Cutting down on drinking will help you lose weight. If you notice your partner is looking trim from drinking less, tell them!

Page last updated by

Unknown, 10 May 2012.

Page checked on

11 Feb 2011