Talking to your child about teenage issues

It’s inevitable that parents start to worry as their children approach their teenage years given the myriad of issues that accompany reaching that milestone. Many parents are quite rightly worried about their children experiencing these issues before they are ready.

A recent survey* undertaken by Drinkaware with the parenting charity Family Lives underlined this feeling, with parents believing their children are growing up too quickly and 74% of parents thinking the issues their children face today are more serious than issues they faced at the same age.

Traditional vs ‘new’ issues

It’s a tough job being a parent and naturally there will always be concerns around traditional issues such as sex, drugs and smoking, but children today are also facing ‘new’ issues such as underage drinking and sexting – sending and receiving sexually explicit text messages. Kids are exposed to lots of different influences and parents may find it difficult to keep up to date with the issues they are facing. Social networking in particular is a relatively new phenomenon that did not exist for most parents when they were at school.  

Parenting ‘reality gap’

This can lead to a ‘reality gap’ and our survey found that only 13% of parents were aware their 13 to 15 year old had had an experience with alcohol and only 3% knew their child had sent or received a sexually explicit text message.  But in reality, a third (31%) of 13-15 year olds have drunk alcohol and more than a quarter (28%) have encountered sexually explicit text messages.  However, there is a way of staying in touch with your children’s experiences as they grow up and it is simpler than you might think...

Talking is key

Although it might sometimes feel children don’t listen to a word you say, you are in fact best placed to help them navigate these issues. Having regular conversations with your child can help ensure they make informed decisions when the time comes. And let them know they can come to you and ask questions about alcohol and any other issues. On a reassuring note, three quarters (73%) of 10-17 year olds said they would speak to their parents first about the issues they’re facing.  

Starting these conversations early about ‘grown-up’ topics with your children in their pre-teen years and keeping them going throughout their teens can help them stay safe and avoid unpleasant or even dangerous situations.

Family Lives and Drinkaware have compiled some top tips to help parents keep up-to-date with the latest issues their children might be facing and advice on how to approach these issues:

Parenting

• Open communication between mums and dads and their children will mean families can face ‘new’ issues together – even if you don’t know all the answers, be honest and try to find out together using our helpful contacts page.
• Having a plan will make your life easier.  Rather than waiting for something bad to happen, think about when and how you are going to start and keep the conversation going about topics like alcohol and sexting.  
• Pick a time when neither of you feel rushed or under pressure.  Avoid starting a conversation just as your child is going to bed or walking out the door.  
• Get to know their friends’ parents. They’ll probably share your concerns, so you could agree on rules around technology and supervision. You can also share anecdotes about the questions your children have asked, which might help you prepare for your own conversations.

Technology

• Familiarise yourself with how computer and mobile technology works. Don’t worry if your child knows more about technology than you – be honest and spend time together looking at online security and privacy functions.  
• Keep the computer in a room used by all the family, monitor how much time your child spends on the computer and encourage them to openly talk about what they’re looking at online.

Alcohol

• As a parent, the worst thing you can say about drinking is nothing at all.  And offering a listening ear is just as important as telling your child the facts.  Reassure them they can ask you anything and you will listen and won’t judge them if they have tried alcohol.  
• If an opportunity to talk doesn’t present itself, try using triggers to prompt discussion.  These could include: at dinner time, if you’re having a drink with your meal; after special occasions where people have been drinking, like a wedding or birthday party; alcohol-related news stories, soap opera storylines, documentaries or anecdotal school stories.
• Practice what you preach – as your child’s role model, they will pick up on your behaviour.  By sticking to the daily unit guidelines** you can show your own responsible attitude to drinking and demonstrate alcohol can be enjoyed in moderation.

For more help, tips and advice on talking to your children about alcohol, visit our dedicated Parents pages.

** Drinkaware supports the Government’s advice that people should not to regularly drink more than the daily unit guidelines of 3-4 units of alcohol for men (equivalent to a pint and a half of 4% beer) and 2-3 units of alcohol for women (equivalent to a 175ml glass of wine).

Page last updated by

Unknown, 10 May 2012.

Page checked on

19 Jul 2011